I made a thing.
Remote Models for Laravel. Sometimes you want to use Eloquent, but that data is in another database on a different application. Obviously, this is heavily inspired by Caleb Porzio's Sushi package. (Shout out)
github.com/DaltonMcCleery/remote-models
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In response to @daltonmccleery
Nice! I believe that many projects need this package.